Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
