Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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