Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize