he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
