There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Randomize
