the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to have your abortion
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
