Non-Jews are for practice
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
