How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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