Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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