office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
