Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
