Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
