Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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