I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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