I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
