U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize