This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize