he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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