sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
