YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I am morally bankrupt
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
