i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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