how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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