so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
