everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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