Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
