I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize