Small penises have feelings too.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
