Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize