Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
