And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
