shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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