maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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