I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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