Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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