I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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