I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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