So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
