Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize