when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
