we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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