I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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