I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
