genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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