So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
