just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize