Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He felt like a one man threesome
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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