U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
