youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
