you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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