Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
