New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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