If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my being single is dangerous.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
