I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
