What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
