I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize