1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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