you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
