she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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