Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Never joke about your clitoris.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
