tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize