Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
