I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
