I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
