I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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