Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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