He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
